


I Never Trust A Dog To Watch My Food

by dutchydoescoke



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Alternate Universe - Summer Camp, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-05
Updated: 2016-02-04
Packaged: 2018-05-18 06:05:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5901160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dutchydoescoke/pseuds/dutchydoescoke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A second summer at camp in a row isn't the worst thing in the world. Poe ended up enjoying it last year, he gets to see his pseudo-aunt Leia and Rey, who is now his best friend, and spend the summer playing music.</p>
<p>Only, someone opened a new music camp across the lake, and one of their best campers is more attractive than Poe is capable of handling.</p>
<p>(AKA, the Camp Rock 2 AU nobody asked for.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Never Trust A Dog To Watch My Food

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so. This is the Camp Rock 2 AU that absolutely nobody but me wanted, but it happened anyway.
> 
> This is also the loosest possible AU that I could manage and still keep the plot. The only characters I can say for sure are filling roles from CR2 are Snoke, as Axel, and Kylo Ren, as Tess Tyler. Because nobody does diva fits like Kylo Ren. Oh, and Poe Dameron as Shane Grey.
> 
> This fic has a bunch of Jonas Brothers references (as well as references to Camp Rock and Camp Rock 2's actual dialogue), and if someone catches all of them once the fic's done, I applaud you and will write you fic of your choice, I swear. (To be honest, most of the reason this fic was written was to cram in as many Jonas Brothers references as I could.)
> 
> Actual characterization is a little loose, but this is also 5000% crack fic, so forgive me.
> 
> Now with [cover art](https://40.media.tumblr.com/15d0bd97d6f43a6458d65bd39d99e51c/tumblr_o23ecklt371rs62y9o1_1280.png), as done by yours truly. (Nobody gets to question my dedication to Jonas Brothers references _ever again_.)

“You still owe me a birdhouse.”

Bludgeoning Jess with a guitar wasn’t actually a valid option, because The Pilots technically needed her. And because Poe was actually terrified of Jess’s fanbase. Poe may, technically, be the face of the band, but Jess had more fans. And more devoted fans. Poe had seen more t-shirts with Jess’s face on them than him or Snap’s.

“And you still owe me for the unspeakable damage you did to my flat-iron, but we don’t talk about that, do we?” Jess’s response was to flip him off. Poe just smiled at her.

“Heads up, guys, Ben ditched camp,” Rey said, walking over. Poe blinked in surprise while Jess gestured for her to continue. “ _Apparently_ , there’s a new camp open across the lake. They have air conditioning, and that was enough for Ben or something.” She shrugged. “Personally, I think he just wanted someone who would put up with his diva fits, but that’s just me.”

“To be fair, air conditioning is worth it,” Poe muttered, trying not to remember the previous summer of 103 degree heat, no air conditioning, no flat-iron, and no hair product. Ugh.

“I don’t know why you’re all so bad about the heat.”

“Not all of us grew up in south Texas, Rey,” Jess reminded her pointedly. Rey shrugged like her point still stood and Poe rolled his eyes. He missed New Jersey, damn it.

“ _Any_ way, we got invited by the camp leader to a campfire. Or what is supposedly a campfire.” Rey’s skepticism was apparent, like she thought it was secretly a plot to blow up the camp while they were away.

...Actually, Poe wouldn’t put it past Ben, but Ben _probably_ wouldn’t risk Leia’s wrath that much. She’d make him work off the cost of a new one. (He’d say Han might, just to irritate Leia, but the camp was his baby, so. Not happening.) Either way, better to find out who the sworn enemy of the summer was sooner rather than later, so they could get it out of the way.

In hindsight, that was probably when the universe started laughing at him.

\---

Fact one: Poe was kind of gay. And by “kind of”, he meant “really gay”. Girls didn’t do it for him.

Fact two: After a truly spectacular display of attempted lying to himself, he admitted it last summer.

Fact three: The “truly spectacular display” in question was the fact that he kind of dated Rey, because, while Poe may not be into girls, people who can sing that well are his kryptonite. He’d heard her singing and liked her voice (and the song), and wrote his own song with her in mind. They’d dueted at Final Jam and everything. Then Poe finally admitted it and Rey was supportive, and they became disgustingly good friends.

Fact four: He and Rey had the same taste in guys.

Fact five: This was _definitely_ when the universe started laughing at him.

\---

“Dibs.”

“Dude, calling dibs when one party can’t see the dib-ee means you can’t actually call dibs yet.”

Poe was kind of in the middle of climbing out of a canoe, which was a delicate balancing act, if only because Jess was itching to knock him in the lake again, and was doing her best to tip the canoe.

“I _hate_ canoes,” he muttered, finally managing to get both feet securely on the dock.

“Remember how you said the other day that you could make anything look cool?” Jess said, grinning smugly. “I think this is proof enough to the contrary.”

Poe ignored her in favor of yanking off the life vest, dropping it into the canoe. He looked at Rey and followed her line of sight to the guy standing over by where they were handing out hot chocolate. “Okay, I see why you called dibs. Jess, countdown?”

Jess sighed, like she was being asked to play the guitar while doing handstands, and pulled out her phone. “No, I’m not counting down. Pilots’ Book of Law, remember?”

Poe made a face. “Do we have to obey that?” Jess glared at him and started scrolling through something on her phone.

“Let’s see… Amendment three, subparagraph A, line six,” she muttered, tapping on her phone screen.

“Jess, come on, it doesn’t even apply, Rey’s not a member of the Pilots.”

“She might as well be. And didn’t you say you wanted to ask her to join the band?” Jess asked, grinning at him, before starting to read off what was on her screen. “‘If more than one member of the band ‘The Pilots’ is crushing on the same person, absolutely no member may ask out said crush-ee.”

“Where’s the fun in that? Nothing wrong with a little competition,” Rey said and Poe nodded.

“What she said.”

“Why do you both bother with guys anyway? Rey, come on, join the dark side,” Jess said, shoving her phone in her pocket and knocking Poe’s shoulder aside to get between them without shoving someone in the water. “Poe’s a lost cause, I know, but Rey, lesbianism has its perks, I swear.”

“Is everyone in the Pilots gay?” Rey asked her and Jess shrugged.

“Jury’s still out on Snap.”

“Why do you even have that rule, then, anyway?”

“If, for whatever reason, Snap shows any interest in anyone, or one of us magically turns bisexual. Or we end up with another lesbian in the band.” Jess’s explanation was accompanied by what Poe was certain was _supposed_ to be a flirtatious look. It mostly just made her look like she’d eaten a bad burrito.

“Guys, we should probably join all of the people heading for the seats. And hit up the hot chocolate people. I think I see marshmallows,” Poe said, shoving Jess forward before she could successfully get in Rey’s pants, and successfully ending the discussion on the Pilots’ Book of Law. If he heard about Rey one more time, dear god.

Jess took the hint and shut up, thankfully, and let him steer her towards the hot chocolate stand with the cute guy that had been the subject of their disputed dibs. Cute guy looked up when they approached and smiled, and Poe was gone, because damn, he had a nice smile.

From what he saw of Rey’s face next to him, Poe suspected she found the guy just as attractive.

“Hi, I’m Finn,” cute guy said, holding out a hand in their direction and setting off a very subtle elbowing war between Poe and Rey. Rey won and shook hands with Finn first, much to Poe’s annoyance.

“I’m Rey, this is Poe and Jess.” Jess waved, grinning in a way that made Poe distinctly uncomfortable.

“Hi, Finn. Nice as you seem, I’m a lesbian, so while my bandmate and friend here continue to be in awe of your prettiness, can you please direct me to the nearest girls?” She paused, apparently spotting something at the top of the stairs past the hot chocolate stand. “You know what, I got this.”

And with that, Jess took off, apparently towards the blonde in a very shiny outfit, leaving Poe and Rey to bask in their mutual embarrassment.

“Awe?” Finn asked, ducking his head like he was embarrassed.

“You‘re pretty,” Poe said, then mentally punched himself. That was the best he could come up with, _really_? Rey helpfully smacked him upside the head. “Sorry. I meant, um. You’re probably really good with singing. Or whatever it is that you’re here for.” He paused and Finn smiled at him. “Wow, you’re pretty.”

“Nice save,” Rey muttered, while Poe hoped the ground would open up and spare him the embarrassment.

“Thanks. I, uh, gotta go. It’s going to start soon,” Finn said, smiling and walking away, in the same direction as everyone else. Rey and Poe followed, mostly because they needed to be going that way too.

They passed Jess and she joined them, grinning to herself like the asshole she clearly was.

“I’m an idiot,” he informed her. She grinned wider while Rey started snickering.

“I agree,” Jess replied. He reached out and punched her in the shoulder. Didn’t keep her from laughing, but at least he still felt better.

\---

Poe has common sense. He, logically, is well aware of the fact that the odds of Finn being a new camper that he just hadn’t met yet were so slim, he could use them for a guitar pick, but that didn’t stop him from hoping.

Which, of course, meant that he was, inevitably, at least somewhat heartbroken when the song introduced by a man apparently named Snoke had Finn singing.

Accompanied by the very pretty blonde girl Jess had been talking to, who was apparently named Phasma, and Ben, and a very angry-looking ginger. The camp’s justification for calling it a campfire was to sing a song called “Fire”, but Poe really couldn’t judge. Their camp’s justification for performances were relatively paper-thin, so.

They were so _good_ , it was a little intimidating. Poe couldn’t help but be impressed. The songwriting was a little iffy, and he said as much to Jess.

“Yes, because the STD song you wrote is _so_ much better.”

“It wasn’t an STD song! It was a metaphor for a bad relationship!”

Jess just gave him a deadpan stare. “You literally wrote the phrase ‘trying just to medicate the rash’.”

“Metaphor,” Poe insisted, resisting the urge to sulk. “Also, I don’t think you can give me shit. Which one of us wrote a song about falling in love with the pizza girl?”

“You’re both just generally terrible songwriters,” Snap chimed in.

“Shut up, Snap.”

Rey finally turned around in her seat and glared them into submission.

“Sorry, Rey,” the three of them muttered. Rey still scared him. She was awesome and his best friend, but she still scared him.


End file.
